Though I would like to pretend this isn't true, it totally is. Matthew gets away with far more than we ever let the bigs. Part of it is that Matthew has unique challenges that necessitate us doing things a bit differently with him, but the other part has to be us.
A few examples of how he gets special consideration--
The book series Junie B. Jones was banned in our house starting when Alyssa was a kindergartner. The main character, Junie B., is a bit naughty, and the grammar in the book makes me batty. We held that rule steady from 2011 until Valentine's Day 2018, when Junie B. came home in Matthew's backpack. I've read Junie B. to him every night since. To allay my reservations, I correct the grammar when he isn't looking, which is most of the time.
During the week, screens are banned in the Hoy House. Very few exceptions. Until... Matthew lost 5 pounds in 3 months while on his ADHD medicine. The sweet paradox is that when he's on the meds, he's not hungry, and when he's not on the meds, he won't sit still long enough to eat. He needs those meds AND needs to gain weight, quickly. We need this boy to eat. To mindlessly eat. So, he gets to watch his screen in the morning, while we put as much food in front of him as we can before he catches on, or runs off.
These are mild compared to our overall parenting style changes. We were 100% common sense parenting converts when the bigs were little. Following the approach outlined by Boys Town worked wonders for Aly and Jax. But, very little about parenting Matthew is common sense, and we have found that the tools we used with the bigs have been rendered useless when dealing with Matthew. So, he seems to get special privilege (or consequences as it may be), but really we are just searching for the right tools- ones that work for Matthew.
This parenting gig is hard, and humbling. Happy Mother's Day!