Blissfully Naive

We are so grateful for the care we received at Texas Children’s, and the knowledge we gained, but it is a tough place to be. We were reminded of that this past Thursday. Darren and I (along w/Matthew) went to give our blood samples for genetic testing to see if we might be carriers of a ‘rearranged’ 4Q chromosome that led to Matthew’s duplication. Results won’t be back several weeks.

While we were waiting for our turn with the vampires, we sat in the same food court that we spent time in while we were there for Matthew’s 8 days. It was a hard reminder of the time we spent there, but it was also a glimpse into our uncertain future. In that food court, there are many unique kids…some that look different, some that act different, some with special needs. We looked around and thought “Will Matthew look like that? Will he act like that? Will he have those needs?” It is hard not to know, to wonder what the future holds, a future we are unfamiliar with.

Though in my mind, logically, we knew no more about what the future held for Alyssa and Jackson at 5 weeks than we do for Matthew. In the last few weeks, outside of TCH, we haven’t much thought about that future. We’ve just been in the here and now, enjoying Matthew in the stage that he is in.

This experience at TCH this past Thursday reminded me of crying on the way home from discovering that Matthew didn’t have thumbs. I was scared for what we didn’t yet know or uncover, but I also cried because I was scared for his potential future with the uniqueness we did know. Growing up ‘different’ is HARD. I worried that Matthew will be picked on, that he’ll fall into the wrong crowd, that he’ll suffer because he doesn’t fit in. I fretted for potentials that were years, many, many years, off.

When I spoke these words out loud, my best friend giggled at my naiveté . “Kate- that could happen to Alyssa and Jackson” Light bulb moment: Whoa…she is right! Typically developing kids are picked on, fall into the wrong crowd, suffer because they don’t fit in. I just never imagined that far in the future with Alyssa or Jackson. I was blissfully naïve, not looking much beyond the stage that we are in currently (newborn, infant, toddler, terrible twos, defiant threes, bossy fours).

As one of my friends pointed out, we’ve been in the ‘honeymoon period of kids’. It’s the period of time when the kids are still young enough to (somewhat) control, they think parents hung the moon, and peer pressure is usually a good thing (i.e. learning to use the potty or eat new foods). My worries for Matthew are worries I will likely have with all 3 kids, when we get to that point. So instead of worrying about Matthew's future years from now, I should wait and cross that bridge when we get there…with Alyssa, Jackson and Matthew.

This all was just another lesson to appreciate the moment that we are in today.