Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Never Enough

Having a unique child is like having your first child all over again, on steroids. Constantly going through my mind: “I need to read more about child development. I need to do more exercises with him. I need to play Mozart for him. I need to talk to him more. I need to learn infant massage. I need to do more! What if this one thing is the one thing that will help him meet that milestone? Get those synapses to fire?”

Alyssa and Jackson were (and are) always good at reminding us that we are not in total control but I’m still coming to terms with it with Matthew. Even if I do everything I can, Matthew still might not meet his milestones. And like Alyssa and Jackson, he might hit them if I did none of the above. It’s hard to accept having so little control over something that seems so important. Just thinking about it is a bit overwhelming.

When I have these overwhelming moments, I'm reminded that God made Matthew just as he should be-- the perfect child of God, the perfect 3rd child for us. We love Matthew as he is and pray that we can help him reach his fullest potential…whatever that may be. Until then, I need to be reminded to let it go and enjoy the moment we are in today.

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