Every so often, a book resonates so deeply with me that I have to tell everyone I know about it. This past year of crisis pushed me to the edge and now that we have moved past the crisis stage, to the stable stage, I looked around me and found that I have neglected many of my closest and best relationships over this past year (or more). In an effort to renew those relationships (and myself in the process), I pulled a book off my bookshelf that I bought but never read...The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
In the book, the author lays out the theory that people speak and feel love in different ways. There are 5 primary types-- words of affirmation, touch, gifts, quality time and acts of service. If you and your loved ones are speaking different languages, you may not feel loved (even if the other person thinks they are expressing it). So, if your primary love language is gifts (you long for little notes, thoughtful expressions of love with trinkets, etc) and your loved one thinks they are showing their love through acts of service (i.e. doing the dishes, folding the laundry, or washing the car), your love tank is likely not getting filled. When you identify others love language(s), you can speak directly to what matters to them. You act in a loving way that they understand, their love tank gets filled.
May sound a bit cheesy, but this just makes so much sense to me. Even looking at Alyssa and Jackson... Alyssa's language is words of affirmation. She beams when you tell her how much you love her or give her praise. Jackson's is touch. He loves to be held, cuddled and tickled. Knowing this, I know I need to go out of my way to express my love for them in the ways that matter to them.
I feel like I can be a better spouse, parent and friend when I keep this framework in the forefront of my mind and act accordingly to show the people that I love that I truly love them. And because this book was so influential for me, I want to pass it along to everyone I know. Here's a link to a summary of the book, the languages and a quiz to find your primary love language. I'll also be happy to loan out my copy of the book, just drop me a line!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Beat the Clock
I am beyond thrilled that Matthew has settled into a sleeping/eating routine. He's up at 7a, takes a bottle, eats baby food, naps at 9a, up at 11a, takes a bottle, eats baby food, naps at 1:30p, up at 3:30p, takes a bottle, eats baby food, and is down for the night around 7p. He varies it a little, but that is most days. I love that he is eating and sleeping well! The issue I have with this schedule is that it makes me feel like we are playing 'beat the clock'. Hurry, hurry, we only have 2 hours between sleeps! And oh goodness, if he doesn't get the naps or they aren't good quality naps, we will pay the price at night!
The past 10 days were delightful...no appointments. It is the longest stretch we've had since Matthew's birth! And I knew that when the appointments returned, it would make playing beat the clock even more stressful. Today Matthew had a therapy appointment at 11:45a and Alyssa an ENT appointment at 1:15p. Already pushing the limits of the schedule, I was hopeful that the ENT appointment would be brief.
And seemingly always happens when you are hoping for quick, we encountered a show stopper. We showed up for the appointment only to find out they think we cancelled the appointment. Ugh! So, they had to 'fit her in'...right in the middle of Matthew's afternoon nap. So, Matthew got ripped from his nap and thrown in the car seat all the while I hoped that we won't have to pay the price for it tonight. He's not old enough to understand that this is the price of (a) being on a strict schedule and (b) being the 3rd kid. It's not the first and likely won't be the last time. Sorry my sweet baby Matthew!
The past 10 days were delightful...no appointments. It is the longest stretch we've had since Matthew's birth! And I knew that when the appointments returned, it would make playing beat the clock even more stressful. Today Matthew had a therapy appointment at 11:45a and Alyssa an ENT appointment at 1:15p. Already pushing the limits of the schedule, I was hopeful that the ENT appointment would be brief.
And seemingly always happens when you are hoping for quick, we encountered a show stopper. We showed up for the appointment only to find out they think we cancelled the appointment. Ugh! So, they had to 'fit her in'...right in the middle of Matthew's afternoon nap. So, Matthew got ripped from his nap and thrown in the car seat all the while I hoped that we won't have to pay the price for it tonight. He's not old enough to understand that this is the price of (a) being on a strict schedule and (b) being the 3rd kid. It's not the first and likely won't be the last time. Sorry my sweet baby Matthew!
Monday, March 28, 2011
A.M.
Facebook has a new feature called "memorable status updates". One of my old statuses from about 14 months ago popped up to one of my friends and she sent me a note reminding me of that good day. My status was: "potentially found a new daycare for the kiddos, discovered that the car we want really will fit all 3 car seats in the backseat, had a good lunch w/my beloved and just got notification from the library that a new book from one of my favorite authors is ready for me to pick up...great day!!"
I remember that day well. It was a great day. That daycare was a perfect fit. The car has been one of our favorite purchases for over a year. I still love that author and spending time with my beloved. And looking back on it now, it feels like a lifetime ago. I was a different person then. It was when I naively assumed the baby growing in my belly would be born with 10 fingers and 10 toes. It was when I still had a job. It was when I didn't visit the pediatrician almost weekly. Before I knew the names of every type of pediatric specialist. Before I could identify heart conditions, renal anomalies, and intestinal abnormalities. Before I knew the smell of the soap at Texas Children's Hospital. Before we needed and felt the love and support of our family and friends so intensely. It was before Matthew.
Life with Matthew is wonderful, but it is very different. I used to mark my life BK (before kids) and AK (after kids), but now it is further delineated as AK-AM. After Kids/After Matthew. Many elements look the same... my beloved by my side, Alyssa, Jackson, the house, the dogs, our family and friends but it is a totally different life for me. My daily life is different. I no longer log on to work at Accenture, instead it is filled with kid-care and doctors/therapy appointments. My heart and mind are different. I know first hand now that life isn't always beautiful. I lost my innocence. I now worry about the future unlike I ever had before. I no longer assume 'normality'. I sympathize with those going through hardships like I never have before.
I believe that our lives are better, that we are and will be better people because Matthew joined our family but it did rock our world. His birth drew a line in the sand of my life.
I remember that day well. It was a great day. That daycare was a perfect fit. The car has been one of our favorite purchases for over a year. I still love that author and spending time with my beloved. And looking back on it now, it feels like a lifetime ago. I was a different person then. It was when I naively assumed the baby growing in my belly would be born with 10 fingers and 10 toes. It was when I still had a job. It was when I didn't visit the pediatrician almost weekly. Before I knew the names of every type of pediatric specialist. Before I could identify heart conditions, renal anomalies, and intestinal abnormalities. Before I knew the smell of the soap at Texas Children's Hospital. Before we needed and felt the love and support of our family and friends so intensely. It was before Matthew.
Life with Matthew is wonderful, but it is very different. I used to mark my life BK (before kids) and AK (after kids), but now it is further delineated as AK-AM. After Kids/After Matthew. Many elements look the same... my beloved by my side, Alyssa, Jackson, the house, the dogs, our family and friends but it is a totally different life for me. My daily life is different. I no longer log on to work at Accenture, instead it is filled with kid-care and doctors/therapy appointments. My heart and mind are different. I know first hand now that life isn't always beautiful. I lost my innocence. I now worry about the future unlike I ever had before. I no longer assume 'normality'. I sympathize with those going through hardships like I never have before.
I believe that our lives are better, that we are and will be better people because Matthew joined our family but it did rock our world. His birth drew a line in the sand of my life.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Good Week
This past week was a good week. For the first time in 5 months, we didn't have any appointments. No doctors visits. No therapy appointments. No specialists to see. All 3 kids were in their regular routine all week long. It was great!
And on Wednesday, Matthew decided to add a new trick to his repertoire. He's putting pressure on his legs for a measurable amount of time, not just letting them buckle after a second or two. He's enjoying standing while being supported. He's been spending a lot of time in his exersaucer, standing. Forward progress. Very exciting!
And on Friday, I registered Alyssa for Kindergarten. I had always heard there are 2 types of moms...the 'celebrator' (those that celebrate moving from stage to stage) and the 'mourner' (those that mourn the loss of the previous stage). I always envisioned myself as a celebrator, but as Alyssa's next stage has come close I began to wonder if I would mourn the loss of this baby/toddler/preschool stage. As I registered her, I was giddy. I guess I'm a celebrator, as I'm so excited for her next stage. She is going to LOVE the 'big school' and I can't wait for it too!
And on Wednesday, Matthew decided to add a new trick to his repertoire. He's putting pressure on his legs for a measurable amount of time, not just letting them buckle after a second or two. He's enjoying standing while being supported. He's been spending a lot of time in his exersaucer, standing. Forward progress. Very exciting!
And on Friday, I registered Alyssa for Kindergarten. I had always heard there are 2 types of moms...the 'celebrator' (those that celebrate moving from stage to stage) and the 'mourner' (those that mourn the loss of the previous stage). I always envisioned myself as a celebrator, but as Alyssa's next stage has come close I began to wonder if I would mourn the loss of this baby/toddler/preschool stage. As I registered her, I was giddy. I guess I'm a celebrator, as I'm so excited for her next stage. She is going to LOVE the 'big school' and I can't wait for it too!
And this weekend has been great. Friday night was fish fry at church. The kids always love the grilled cheese and fried fish and enjoy running around outside of church. It was made even better because we took a family friend, and Jackson adores her. Saturday was a few hours at a local festival. It was way too warm to be the end of March (85 degrees), and we all got too much sun, but we had fun and did get to eat some crawfish and hot dogs. There Jackson learned that port-o-potties are 'gross' and Alyssa declared that she was a 'great snow-cone eater'.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Best It Has Been
Right now is the best it has ever been with Matthew. He is eating well. He is napping on a schedule. He is sleeping through the night (most of the time). He is making good strides in his development. We get more good news about Matthew than bad. We are visiting fewer specialists. We are no longer in crisis mode and we can take a deep breath. The black cloud has finally departed. This is the best it has ever been!
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| Matthew doing a typical baby thing, putting toys in his mouth. |
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Uncertain Future
I remember that first night in the NICU, looking at our 3 day old Matthew with a future so uncertain I couldn't even think about it. Even after a year, after a year of more data points, I still have a hard time imagining what Matthew's future might hold.
And like that first week, I know in my heart all of our futures are uncertain. But I trick my mind and imagine what it might be like for Darren, Alyssa, Jackson and I. But with Matthew I can't really imagine. There is so much unknown.
I was thinking about this while I was driving today, and looked behind me to see Matthew's cute cheeks in the rear view mirror, he was holding his bottle with his sweet little hands and I again remembered that this is the moment to be in today. Right now is good. No need to know what the future holds. The future will happen when it happens and likely it won't look anything like I imagined anyway.
And like that first week, I know in my heart all of our futures are uncertain. But I trick my mind and imagine what it might be like for Darren, Alyssa, Jackson and I. But with Matthew I can't really imagine. There is so much unknown.
I was thinking about this while I was driving today, and looked behind me to see Matthew's cute cheeks in the rear view mirror, he was holding his bottle with his sweet little hands and I again remembered that this is the moment to be in today. Right now is good. No need to know what the future holds. The future will happen when it happens and likely it won't look anything like I imagined anyway.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Pop Tabs
Sitting in the library today, I was reminded of an easy, fantastic way we (and all our friends and family) can help the Ronald McDonald House. Please save the tabs off your aluminum cans. Just the tabs. You can get them to us (and we'll deliver to the Ronald McDonald House the next time we volunteer) or you can send them directly to RMH. Or if you are in Cypress, you can drop them off at the children's desk at the Lonestar Cy-Fair library.
The Ronald McDonald House Houston uses the money they receive from recycling the tabs (almost $8k/year!) to help serve the families staying at the house. I just cannot express the depth of our gratitude for the RMH. Please save your tabs. Thank you!!
The Ronald McDonald House Houston uses the money they receive from recycling the tabs (almost $8k/year!) to help serve the families staying at the house. I just cannot express the depth of our gratitude for the RMH. Please save your tabs. Thank you!!
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