5 Love Languages

Every so often, a book resonates so deeply with me that I have to tell everyone I know about it.  This past year of crisis pushed me to the edge and now that we have moved past the crisis stage, to the stable stage, I looked around me and found that I have neglected many of my closest and best relationships over this past year (or more).  In an effort to renew those relationships (and myself in the process), I pulled a book off my bookshelf that I bought but never read...The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. 

In the book, the author lays out the theory that people speak and feel love in different ways.  There are 5 primary types-- words of affirmation, touch, gifts, quality time and acts of service.  If you and your loved ones are speaking different languages, you may not feel loved (even if the other person thinks they are expressing it).  So, if your primary love language is gifts (you long for little notes, thoughtful expressions of love with trinkets, etc) and your loved one thinks they are showing their love through acts of service (i.e. doing the dishes, folding the laundry, or washing the car), your love tank is likely not getting filled.  When you identify others love language(s), you can speak directly to what matters to them. You act in a loving way that they understand, their love tank gets filled.  

May sound a bit cheesy, but this just makes so much sense to me.  Even looking at Alyssa and Jackson... Alyssa's language is words of affirmation.  She beams when you tell her how much you love her or give her praise.  Jackson's is touch.  He loves to be held, cuddled and tickled.  Knowing this, I know I need to go out of my way to express my love for them in the ways that matter to them.  

I feel like I can be a better spouse, parent and friend when I keep this framework in the forefront of my mind and act accordingly to show the people that I love that I truly love them. And because this book was so influential for me, I want to pass it along to everyone I know.  Here's a link to a summary of the book, the languages and a quiz to find your primary love language.  I'll also be happy to loan out my copy of the book, just drop me a line!