A.M.

Facebook has a new feature called "memorable status updates".  One of my old statuses from about 14 months ago popped up to one of my friends and she sent me a note reminding me of that good day.  My status was:  "potentially found a new daycare for the kiddos, discovered that the car we want really will fit all 3 car seats in the backseat, had a good lunch w/my beloved and just got notification from the library that a new book from one of my favorite authors is ready for me to pick up...great day!!" 

I remember that day well.  It was a great day.  That daycare was a perfect fit.  The car has been one of our favorite purchases for over a year.  I still love that author and spending time with my beloved.  And looking back on it now, it feels like a lifetime ago.  I was a different person then.  It was when I naively assumed the baby growing in my belly would be born with 10 fingers and 10 toes.  It was when I still had a job.  It was when I didn't visit the pediatrician almost weekly. Before I knew the names of every type of pediatric specialist.  Before I could identify heart conditions, renal anomalies, and intestinal abnormalities.  Before I knew the smell of the soap at Texas Children's Hospital.  Before we needed and felt the love and support of our family and friends so intensely. It was before Matthew. 

Life with Matthew is wonderful, but it is very different. I used to mark my life BK (before kids) and AK (after kids), but now it is further delineated as AK-AM.  After Kids/After Matthew.  Many elements look the same... my beloved by my side, Alyssa, Jackson, the house, the dogs, our family and friends but it is a totally different life for me.  My daily life is different. I no longer log on to work at Accenture, instead it is filled with kid-care and doctors/therapy appointments.  My heart and mind are different.  I know first hand now that life isn't always beautiful.  I lost my innocence.  I now worry about the future unlike I ever had before.  I no longer assume 'normality'.  I sympathize with those going through hardships like I never have before. 

I believe that our lives are better, that we are and will be better people because Matthew joined our family but it did rock our world.  His birth drew a line in the sand of my life.